October - Unmasking
Hello and welcome to my October blog post!
For at least 5 years I've thought about making my own Halloween costume - starting with a felt dragon mask! Last August, I said, 'enough is enough! I've put this off for too long" and I got down to business. I'm happy to announce that it's ready to go! This had me thinking about October's theme and tips- Masks!
Specifically, the fawning mask
You've likely heard of some of our nervous system states called 'fight/flight/freeze' but you may have not heard about 'fawn' Fawn is a strategy that so many of us employ on a monthly if not daily basis. The fawn response is a way to feel safe.
It often takes the form of people pleasing. Let's say you're feeling overwhelmed and sad
or perhaps you're feeling really angry
but you're in a position where it doesn't feel helpful to express these feelings
In fact, it feels MORE helpful to pretend you don't
This can happen in MANY circumstances including childhood or even adulthood bullying instances.
The fawn response is a way to mask these emotions as though you're totally fine!
"Hey that was hilarious! Good one... so anyway..." Fawn can be really helpful for us
but as with all strategies, we need to determine when it's a helpful response and when it's not.
Questions to consider include:
"Do my feelings match my actions?" (learned from ''Strong life' website)
"Am I often sacrificing my authenticity?"
"Am I taking on too much?"
"Do I feel worse after using this strategy?"
'Do I know what I want, need, or value as opposed to what others want, need, or value?"
"Do I always need validation from others?"
To help our children move forward we can help them learn to say:
"No, thank you"
"Let's take turns - we'll play the game I love AND the game you love!"
"I'm feeling _____(tired for example) so I'd like to _________(rest first )"
We can teach our children that their feelings matter
and we can teach children how to disagree respectfully.
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Wishing you a lovely day,
Love, Jennifer
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